the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
