Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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