i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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