I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
