she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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