im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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