First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
