We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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