dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
