So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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