uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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