So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
