Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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