i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
