I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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