batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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