tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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