ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Is it because I queefed?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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