I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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