i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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