Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
