my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
