There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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