I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
