And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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