College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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