Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
