she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
