I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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