capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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