Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
