from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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