Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
