Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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