If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
