Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
