Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize