very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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