You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
