So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
