This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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