Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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