i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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