I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize