i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
