He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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