yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
