i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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