I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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