Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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