I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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