I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
