You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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