Your face is a jimmy john
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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