ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
