i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
