My Higher Power is John Stamos
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
