i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
