i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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