I'm really into asian looking animals
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
