I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
