Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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