If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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