I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
