You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
