all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
