another moral hangover. fuck.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
