I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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