last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
