I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
