i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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