I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
