Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
