Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
